REMARRIAGE: WHY NOT TO DO IT

I have no intentions to remarry. I have been asked many times "why will you not remarry?", so I have created this page to provide an answer that question.

I believe when I got married, I made a vow to God Himself to be faithful to my wife until I died. I only seek to emulate my Lord Jesus Christ, who while I forsake and rejected Him most of my life, He never forsook me, but loved me and laid down His life for me. It is written

“Husbands love your wives,
just as Christ also loved the church
and gave Himself up for her.”
Eph 5:25

I. Marriage is a covenant with God

Marriage is a covenant with God, for life, that is not to be dissolved by man, and could not be dissolved by man. There are several scriptural passages that has really enlightened me on this:

“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be ONE FLESH? Wherefore they are NO MORE TWAIN, but ONE FLESH. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.”
Mat 19:1-9

This was Jesus talking to the Pharisees, who were under the law. Question: what are we to do with the law? Please see The divorce exception for more on this passage.

“When thou shalt vow a vow unto the Lord thy God,
thou shalt not slack to pay it:
for the Lord thy God will surely require it of thee;
and it would be sin in thee.”
Deu 23:21

To me this says that when I die, God will be expecting me to have kept my vow to Him concerning my marriage. I want Him to be pleased with my decision.

“Art thou bound unto a wife?
Seek not to be loosed.
Art thou loosed from a wife?
Seek not a wife.”
1Co 7:27

This says to me that I should not remarry if I am divorced.

“Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another,
COMMITETH ADULTERY:
and whosoever marrieth her that is putteth away from her husband
COMMITETH ADULTERY.”
Luk 16:18

“Yet ye say, wherefore? Because the Lord hath been a witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” Mal 2:14-16

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother,
and shall cleave to his wife:
and they two shall be ONE FLESH?
Wherefore they are no more two, but ONE FLESH.
What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asundar.”
Mat 19:5-6

So anyway, the Scriptures really seem to convince me that God would have me be faithful to my commitment to Him.

II. God has the power to heal broken marriages

“Is there anything too hard for the Lord?”
Gen 18:14

In other words, is it too difficult for God to heal a marriage that has been put asundar by man?

But what is required, perhaps a heart transplant?

“And I will give them ONE HEART, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh: That they may walk in my statutes, and keep mine ordinances, and do them: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God.”
Eze 11:19-20

All it takes is a little faith. We are talking about a hope that is beyond all hope:

“Who AGAINST HOPE believed in HOPE, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, ... He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was STRONG IN FAITH, giving glory to God; And being FULLY PERSUADED that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform. And therefore it was imputed to him for righteousness.”
Rom 4:18-21

Therefore, not leaning on my on understanding, not even trying on my own to fix things between my wife and I, I have presented my requests unto my God, and am fully persuaded that He has the power reconcile our relationship.

God actually wants to give those that seek Him, the desires of their heart (if the desires are pleasing to God).

“And therefore will the LORD wait,
that he may be gracious unto you,
and therefore will he be exalted,
that he may have mercy upon you:
for the LORD is a God of judgment:
blessed are all they that wait for him.”
Isa 30:18

“If ye abide in me,
and my words abide in you,
ye shall ask what you will
and it shall be done unto you.”
Joh 15:7

“Ask, and it shall be given you;
seek and ye shall find;
knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth;
and he that seeketh findeth;
and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”
Mat 7:7-8

“And this is the confidence we have in him, that,
if we ask any thing ACCORDING TO HIS WILL, he heareth us:
And if we know that he hear us,
whatsoever we ask,
WE KNOW that WE HAVE the petitions that we desired of him.”
1Jo 5:14-15

III. The early church's view on divorce and remarriage

The following is a long quote from Myron Horst explaining the early Christian's view on divorce and remarriage and why it is relevant to us now.

The writings of the early Christians are significant to help us to understand what God says in the Bible about divorce and remarriage for several reasons: These men lived very shortly after the writing of the New Testament. The apostles had only passed away a short while before their time. They were not separated from the writing of the New Testament by almost two thousand years like we are. They also understood the cultural setting in which the New Testament was written. What the early Christians wrote is also significant because the society in which they lived was so similar to ours today -- divorce and remarriage was very common. Many of these writings were widely circulated among the churches which adds to the credibility of what they say. The early Christians knew Greek. The New Testament Greek was not a foreign language to them as it is for us or even a "dead" language as it is today. These men were fluent in Greek. For many it was their native tongue.

What is significant is that in all of the writings of the early Christians, I did not find any teaching that the early Church believed that Jesus' words in Matthew 19:9, " Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery," permitted remarriage. I was not able to find remarriage allowed in any of the writings of the early Christians They all speak the same thing that remarriage after divorce is sin.

The early Christians spoke clearly on divorce and remarriage. What they wrote is significant for our understanding of God's judgment of divorce and remarriage.

Justin Martyr around A.D. 150 writes: "And 'Whosoever shall marry her that is divorced from another husband, committeth adultery.' and, 'There are some who have been made eunuchs of men, and some who were born eunuchs, and some who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake; but all cannot receive this saying.' So that all who, by human law, are twice married, are in the eye of our Master sinners, and those who look upon a woman to lust after her." 2

Athenagoras the Athenian in A.D. 177 wrote A plea for the Christians. In it he writes: "For we bestow our attention, not on the study of words, but on the exhibition and teaching of action, - that a person should either remain as he was born, or be content with one marriage; for a second marriage is only a specious adultery. 'For whosoever puts away his wife,' says He, 'and marriesanother, commits adultery'; not permitting a man to send her away whose virginity he has brought to an end, nor to marry again." 3

Clement of Alexandria writing around A.D. 194 on the exception clause states that the only exception for divorce is for remarried couples to end their sinful marriage: "Now that the Scripture counsels marriage, and allows no release from the union, is expressly contained in the law, 'Thoushalt not put away thy wife, except for the cause of fornication;' and it regards as fornication, the marriage of those separated while the other is alive."4

Tertullian writing around A.D. 200 says: "I maintain, then, that there was a condition in the prohibition which He now made of divorce; the case supposed being, that a man put away his wife for the express purpose of marrying another. His words are: 'Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband, also committeth adultery,' - 'put away,' that is, for the reason wherefore a woman ought not to be dismissed, that another wife may be obtained. For he who marries a woman who isunlawfully pu t away is as much of an adulterer as the man who marries one who is undivorced. Permanent is the marriage which is not rightly dissolved; to marry, therefore, whilst matrimony is undissolved, is to commit adultery."... "For in the Gospel of Matthew he says, 'Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery.' He also is deemed equally guilty of adultery, who marries a woman put away by her husband. The creator, however, except on account of adultery, does not put asunder what He Himself joined together, the same Moses in another passage enacting that he who had married after violence to a damsel, should thenceforth not have it in his power to put away his wife. Now, if a compulsory marriage contracted after violence to a damsel, shall be permanent, how much rather shall a voluntary one, the result of agreement! This has the sanction of the prophet: 'Thou shalt not forsake the wife of thy youth.'" 5

Tertullian also states, "The fact that [he] who shall have dismissed his wife, except on the ground of adultery, makes her commit adultery; and (he) who shall have married a [woman] dismissed by her husband, of course commits adultery. A divorced woman cannot even marry legitimately; and if she commit any such act without the name of marriage does it not fall under the category of adultery, in that adultery is a crime in the way of marriage? Such is God's verdict, within straighter limits than men's, that universally, whether through marriage or promiscuously, the admission of a second man (to intercourse) is pronounced adultery by Him. For let us see what marriage is in the eye of God; and thus we shall learn what adultery equally is. Marriage is (this): when God joins "two into one flesh;" or else, finding (them already) joined in the same flesh, has given His seal to the conjunction. Adultery is (this): when the two having been - in whatsoever way - disjoined, other - nay, rather alien - flesh is mingled (with either): flesh concerning which it cannot be affirmed, 'This is flesh out of my flesh, and this bone out of my bones.'" A little later he states, "But they (the Romans) indulge in promiscuous adulteries, even without divorcing (their partners): to us, even if we do divorce them, even marriage will not be lawful" 6